So about a week to go. and things are looking strange. It’s getting really hard to think about parting with friends. Like really, really hard. Plan in motion. 

I rolled my ankle three days ago, after wrapping it and icing it and keeping the eff off of it, I figured things would be looking better today. They were, in fact, looking better until I went to work, and then watched while my ankle bloated up. In addition to the one side being swollen and angry, it now looks as though there is some bruising and swelling on the other side. WTF WORLD. 

So I hope this doesn’t put a dampener on my trip.

ah well.

Here’s to the ever forward moving jumble of memories we become.  

Mirror, mirror please believe 
I need to find a sign 
All of my life spent wondering 
Whose hiding behind this face of mine 

Confusion, illusion, a misinterpretation 
Of the original me 

I need a sign, a simple chime 
A windblown kiss across my mind 
Solitude in the craziness 
Of a world gone mad, a world behind 

Confusion, illusion, a misinterpretation 
Of the original me 

What big thoughts you have 
I can see them in your eyes 
When you pretend to laugh 
The reflection I see 
Reminds me 
Of somebody like me 

Chance the day and spring a laugh 
Don’t stray off the beaten path 
Mental prostitution 
In this universal institution 

Confusion, illusion, a misinterpretation 
Of the original me 
Confession, aggression, my time to end the session 
One bang and I’m free 

What big thoughts you have 
I can see them in your eyes 
When you pretend to laugh 
The reflection I see 
Reminds me 
Of somebody like me 

What big thoughts you have 
I can see them in your eyes 
When you pretend to laugh 
The reflection I see 
Reminds me 
Of somebody like me.

I am who I am, and am never no one else. I do not play false or change what I think or believe for no reason. If your emotional state cannot handle interaction in a rational way please allow me to remove my self from your life. If I must walk on egg shells to not disrupt a delicate fantasy that has been constructed to protect you from some facet of yourself, then again please allow me to no longer burden you with my presence. 

I will no longer be held responsible for others perception changes. I will no longer care to help those who hold double standards and irrational beliefs.

I cannot interact with those who feel life is overwhelming, negative or not worthwhile. I’ve worked my whole life to create a place inside my self that continues to grow and appreciate the world and have tried to overcome fears that hold a hindering grip on those around me.

Just calm down, realize what is actually happening and leave me to blissfully enjoy life without preposterous negative consequence.

I will not act to placate other’s whom are not willing to communicate, and in a certain way, validate their feeling in some reasonable manner.

If all this is some unreasonable request then I apologize and advise you to discontinue contact and or friendship with me, because I have experienced too many real hardships to take the time to barrage my own self worth, dignity, integrity and morality with doubt because those around me question it. 

Sorry if this offends anyone, and for clarity I am not afraid to say this to any one, I just am more confidant in my ability to convey my thoughts through writing. 

If no one reads this, it’s all the same.

Happy Birthday.

It’s been a while, bad a blogging. yeah. 

I have created a list of rules for my trip, well am creating. 

1 Write every day

2 Don’t shave/trim beard

3 no phone

4 no soda

5 make a friend in every town I visit

that’s all so far! 

on a more sour note, my work has been giving me crap hours, so I might have to cut my trip down pretty hard. stupid money…

I wrote this on a note in the middle of dreaming on Bird’s couch after the concert on Seattle: It’s all I can say about this week.  

She can be whatever I need her to be; avatar of passion, lust obscene. On the lee of the day or in lieu of night she can mark some forgotten point in me summers ago, tumbled weeds and forested lots of yet un-sowed seeds.

consequently this is actually about someone from a long long time ago, but it’s not exactly untrue for the lady in question.

My buddy carlos has been teaching me very basic boxing, and today he got in his pads and gloves and showed me the ropes my punching the crap outta me. It was great. Then I proceeded to walk through the torrent that was garrett’s mind, delving into a place or fantasy and mystery. It was most rewarding.

WHY THE FUCK ARE PEOPLE SO INTOLERABLY INCONSIDERATE. ESPECIALLY THE ONES WHO YOU HAVE BENT OVER BACKWARDS TO ENDURE AND CARE FOR?????

what happened to this kind of love?

These late nights,
they kill my brain. Irreversable words drip 
from my throat, my tongue, my lips:
I never thought
I’d know you,
because you seem so untouchable. Like a dream,
mad fantasy, I get high when I play with
your cords.

I ripped out the fastening seams,
but how I crave to be tied up again.
Conflicted, twisted, knotted thoughts, you
have me on my knees.

The submissive steps up to control;
the controlling wavers and shakes.
Dynamic sounds, beats, rhythms fall
inbetween 
Calling me, bodies pulsing sweetly in time,
Finding syncopated wants and needs.

But your heart does not deserve
this tug of war rollercoaster mess.
To push forward as is, as is…
Or to disappear and wake up in the times before,
stranger to stranger, so strange and black.

I know if I’m with you again in the right context, I will give in.

—————————————————————-

Close the blinds, feel melting minds,
A tangled knot of honey and bones,
The night sweeps over our wide eyes,
Our time is short for the day will soon arise.
But for now we are never alone.

Crouched low and sinking slow,
Falling into your dreaming sea.
Take me far across the land of sleep,
For in the day’s wake, I will weep.
But here tonight, it is just you and me.

———————————————————————————————

The earth will not crumbel if we lay our heads upon the sand.
The stars will not fall if we bay at the moon.
If we try we will not swim on the water, we will stand.
And into the dust of memory play a tune. 

Fountaining songs have played through the cracks.
The flowers grow slowly.
Pretend not that the lies are the facts.
And cherish the worldy lowly.

Tears be dried on the sheets of a friend.
Make comfort in a swirling vortex of cotton.
Love and wishes will you only send,
When grudges, grief and guilt are forgotten.

WOW. what a weird world.

I had a really really great talk with my brother today. It was about LSD and God and it really reminded me of the awesomeness of him. I really just miss people, who are forward thinking, not judgmental and open to the possibility of there own incorrectness. 

I’m so sick of militant thinkers and people who can’t even begin to pinpoint what they think about life. UGH. Nolan and I just know how to try to think, not that we are RIGHT about anything, but that we can express ourselves like civilized people. Being single minded and ignorant is like slapping everyone in history who died for our personal freedoms in the fucking face with a salami.

In other news, I have started a roving mental list of traits I am seeking in potential mates for the future. One of these is have to be names Lois. I think it’s going to work out just fine… NOT.

this is really old.